I am sitting here in the living room trying my best to finish up my PBF assignment . In the background , my parents are quarreling . My bro's went abroad , my sis is in camp so there's only me ..sigh.. this has been going on once every few days since 14th May , Mother's Day . Since the day we discovered that my dad had a relationship with the maid . sigh . I knew that ever since I decided to go to SIM , my university studies would never be easy . But I never knew that it would be this difficult . Add on the study - work commitment that I have , the other commitments I have , I have my parents screaming and shouting at each other every few days . I never knew that it would be this difficult . ever since we found out that my dad had commited adultery , I just can't focus on my studies . I know I have to study but I just can't I just can't . There are times in which i forced myself to sit down and study and yet ..I just can't study . God help me, but I just can't study . And now..exams are coming ..I am just so so afraid . And I just don't know ...If it weren't for some friends around me , I fear I would have gone mad. I am half mad as it is . Everytime they quarrel , I would sometimes wonder if maybe I am the cause of all the pain shown on my mom's face . My mom said that she never blamed me for finding out the relationship my dad had with the maid ..but there are times when the thought drifts unbidden into my mind that they as in my parents and my siblings hate me for what i have done . And the hate my parents feel for me is more than what my siblings feel for me .my mom because of the pain and hurt that she had to face . my dad because he's faced with the accusations my mom threw at him and the fact that his relationship has been broken up ...I don't know what to think anymore , I just don't know ..how to force myself to focus on my studies....