Today , I went to the law firm to attend a meeting with Liwen's mum who is a lawyer. She was a nice person and she went through the grounds of divorce with my mom . She persuaded mom not to divorce and instead also spoke to her about all the other options that we can do . She also mentioned to me that I should try to forgive my father. After the meeting , I just felt so down . The numbness has come back. Went to Mathshub to get my payslip. By then , it was already 845pm . Hoped to meet Wicky and get my lipstick back but he was having lesson then . Anyway, didn't see him , felt even more down . Seems like the effect is not gone . you see, like Alex, Wicky has this ability to perk me up when I am down . But anyway , didn't see him... send him a message but because I was so down , the msg was in short form . He msged me back saying that he didn't understand what I was saying ...but oh well... I so wanted to call him and cry over the phone. but think it was good that I didn't . guy thinks I am crazy now . can be seen from the fact that he didn't answer my smses after that first message. But oh well... I miss Alex , I miss Aman , I miss Gerald . I miss all my bros from JC . At least , they would have known what to do... but oh well... Anyway, saw uncle Mike and Aunty Anna today . They felt so awkward around me especially Uncle Mike . I could sense it and I didn't want to make things worse . I mean it's after all candy's fault so why drag them down the drain? Besides , they have given me training and opportunities that made me more valuable in the eyes of the kids parents . So in a way , they helped me.Besides , even if I want to say something , I was so so down , I had no mood to do anything . I still feel numb , I still feel helpless, but so? My life is in the hands of God. Anyway , yesterday , Neha saw shan and she commented that shan was very arrogant . I knew that , but I couldn't be bothered ...she will leave me alone soon when she finds new kids to bother. besides , she has never treated me as a friend so i don't really care. i am just indifferent to many things after this episode. i just cant really be bothered with some things in life . After all , what more can you expect from me? Family broken , heart broken , life broken all in the pace of 3 months. I am just numb to many things. The numbness is still there . I hope it will just go away....or maybe just let me sleep in peace and never wake up huh?