sitting here, listening to Hugh Grant's Dance with me tonight from Music and Lyrics. It just made me think that I have been through what the lyrics were saying. no job , no money and all I wanted to do was just sit down and sob . I felt so numb then , so so numb and all I wanted to do was to just sleep . Just sleep and never wake up to the harsh realities . Of course that never happened . But somehow , everything just came out right. I got over this thing that I had with Wicky . I found a job as a tutor and somehow , I sorta worked harder in school . I just kept myself busy and yup...somehow...the pain in my heart just subsided...but it's enough to remind me that I am not cut out for such stuff..past , present and future. Not now or ever . end of story . Anyway , I have set up a business..but we are still in the setting up stage haha. And in 2 weeks time , I will be modelling a couple of clothes for the school's fashion week. It may seem to you that I am just trying to keep myself busy but in this way , I am just trying to get on with life and I think I am doing a rather good job of it . I quit PAP to concentrate on my studies and tried to get to know God more because I felt that during all these days when I was railing at God for not listening and all...he was all the time at my side , helping me through the sorrow and grief that I felt . Making me stronger . This is just randomness but somehow it is the events of my life ...random and eventful. I remembered that Wicky once told me that all he wants is a happy and eventful life. I beg to differ, that's not what I want . I want a happy and stable and peaceful life . Because I know how eventful a life is . Mine is a good example . I could probably get a grammy for it . hah. I just want my life to move on and I guess somehow, i am succeeding . It's a fact now . I quit my job , I severe all ties with my colleagues . It's also a fact . I fell in love with Wicky , broke my own heart . And emerged from this episode a stronger person . Life's random . Life's bad and good but the elements fire our soul to steel . our souls are shaped by elements to make us who and what we are now.