My mum is finally getting a divorce. It was a matter of sooner or later and I knew that because I was the one who introduced the lawyer to her. And I must say that I am rather glad that she finally made a decision after hesitating for 3 months. You have no idea how tiring it is . Quarrels, fights, kids being pulled in , things were broken , pictures torn , burnt and stabbed. And god forbid if I should ever forget , the episode of each parent trying to end their own life. It was emotionally draining for each of us and for me, I think it was most draining on my brother. He has to ensure that nothing happened to the ladies of the family , worry about keeping our family financially afloat and suffer all the hurt and trauma that my parents or , more specifically my dad forced on the 3 of us. For me, I was drained emotionally . Add on to the fact , that now , I really have to bear the consequences of what my dad had said. I was partly the hand that broke the family up. I know you guys would say that my dad was the one who broke the family up because of his affairs , so what if I discovered the affair by accident . But don't you see, it was partly my fault , because if I had found out about it but kept quiet , maybe nothing would have happened. or maybe , if I had found out about it and instead of alerting my mom ,if I had confronted him myself or got my brother to confront him , maybe it wouldn't come to this. I really don't know what to do . Sometimes, I wonder if I had not been so curious , if I had not alerted my mum ,maybe all these wouldn't have happened. From that moment when I pressed that button out of curiousity , my life went upside down . Sometimes, when all these thoughts , all these doubts filled my head , I just so wanna sit in a corner , roll myself into an insignificant ball and just cry . Just cry my heart out But life goes on and like Zach said no matter what obstacles you face, the show must go on and life like a theatre production has to go on . And it has to be done with the same brightness and cheerfulness that I had before all these. Someone said that I would regret ever being happy that my parents were divorced . I will definately be sad because after all despite all , he was the man who provided for us. He was the guy who stayed with us since we were born. We had after all spent many happy times together. It's just that the happy times were lesser than the sad times.Who wouldn't be sad to part? But if it would end all the emotional pain and suffering that the kids are going through now , then so be it. Someone also told me that our lady boss has mood swings because she's moody . I have only one sentence to say . maybe she should compare her life to mine . For the past 3-4 months, my dreams has been shattered , my life thrown into chaos , my family's broken into pieces , my parents divorced and me being accused of destroying the family . And yet , I go to work with a smile , and endure all the scoldings and work that they throw at me . What right does she have to treat me as a punching bag and force me to leave? What right? Her life is so much better than mine and she is older than me and more harderned to the world. If she can throw tantrums then I think I have the right to throw my temper around since my life's worse than hers. Now ,I am worried. My sis and I may become the custody of either my mom or dad . And we both will also have a possibility of being thrown around like a football. The worst scenario would be ward of state and I really don't know what to do. For the first time or maybe one of the few times in my life, I am truly lost . Dreams gone. Family gone .the only thing that's not is my siblings. We have to stay united and weather this storm! But no matter what , I only know one thing , that I am more or less alone . Nothing is left . I don't know where to turn , what to do . All I know is that I am alone , lost in this storm . And all I wanna do is just sit down and sob and wonder if anything would ever go right again. But the best thing would be to go to sleep and never never wake up again because I just feel so so numb ...