It has been a week since block test... and I am finally back in school! haha... that's cos I was sick .... hehe... Got back a couple of papers : maths and physics and I failed both. haha...I have no idea why but oh well.. I guess i gotta work harder. Okie dok. Enough of this! J1s just left for camp today... and I so so missed them. It's like suddenly the school is quiet and the canteen is so so empty...it's just so surreal... oh well... actually, I miss my bro .. hah...I know I was just on one of those wacky days when I met him the last time. So we didn't part on good terms. Like hey, I was having a headache that day and was at the same time worrying about the sudden cold attiude that boss was giving me...add on to that , I was trying to prepare for my history paper! I was just in one of my moods and it was damn terrible since I just ignored him and he was just 2 seats away! Worse still, I screamed at him when he was blaring the walkman! Argh! he seems so hurt lor! I really don't know what to do! okie... maybe I do... maybe I was trying to stay away from him since I thought boss was interested in him and therefore is afraid that I would 'snatch ' him....hence the coldness.... I mean like I care ...he's just a guy or rather a good friend , if i had wanted a caucasian , I could have just picked any one from my list of friends in hi 5 ... like duh.....stupid stupid... Anyway, I just so so miss him! you know the tap on the shoulder when he sees me, the MRT rides home and yah etc etc. How now??? how?? I made a big mess of relationship with my bro !!! argh!! Oh well... I will think about it next week.... am going to watch titoudao on Friday and a fashion show with shafali on sun.. Hope that it's going to be nice... I sure hope they are.. and pls let me meet a couple of models ! Male please! Cos I wanna see what draws gals to them! okie i admit ... i just wanna look at them... it ain't an offence ok?? haha... and sat , i am going to meet the orphanage director to discuss about the outing for the kids. now that's all... And yah, guess what , I saw aman and shan when I was following hema to hand in work ... haha ... shan was teasing me about waiting for aman to give me a lift and guess what? I replied calmly that I had better things to do... haha.. congratulate me on attaining this indifference ! haha... I guess the two of them were stunned when i didn't grin... haha.. anyway, just to put things right, aman gave me a lift cos it was raining so heavily. He was just being a gentleman . Unfortunately, some people are just too roomantic to see every gesture as something other than romance ! And I meant it sarcastically !

ICH WILL WEITERGEHN I MUST GO ON
Ernst Meister trans. Jean Boase-Beier

Ich will weitergehn -
zu Berge fallen,
zu Tale steigen,
ich will weitergehn.

Am Saume des Meers
steht der Tor,
und der Wind flüstert ihm zu:
Das Salz der See
kann nicht dumm werden.

Ich will weitergehn,
zu Berge fallen,
zu Tale steigen ...

Ich besuchte ein Grab.
Der Kopf eines Fisches
durchbrach den Hügel;
sein Auge schaute mich an
zwischen Blumen,
mein Herz stand still.

Durch das Netz, das nicht fängt,
fielen Wünsche und Wunsch,
und das Schweigen sprach:
Den Bettler der Worte
wird der Himmel nicht schelten ...

Ich will weitergehn.



N The English version of it....

I MUST GO ON
Ernst Meister trans. Jean Boase-Beier

I must go on -
falling up mountains,
climbing down to valleys,
I'll go on.

At the edge of the ocean
the fool stands;
the wind whispers in his ear:
the salt of the sea
cannot grow stupid.

I must go on,
falling up mountains,
climbing down to valleys ...

I went to see a grave.
The head of a fish
broke out of the hill;
its eye watched me
through the flowers,
my heart stood still.

Through the net that holds nothing
fell wishes and wish
and silence spoke:
heaven will never reprove
the beggar of words ...

I must go on.

haha ..my favourite piece... it sorts of encourages me haha

ICH WILL WEITERGEHN I MUST GO ON
Ernst Meister trans. Jean Boase-Beier

Ich will weitergehn -
zu Berge fallen,
zu Tale steigen,
ich will weitergehn.

Am Saume des Meers
steht der Tor,
und der Wind flüstert ihm zu:
Das Salz der See
kann nicht dumm werden.

Ich will weitergehn,
zu Berge fallen,
zu Tale steigen ...

Ich besuchte ein Grab.
Der Kopf eines Fisches
durchbrach den Hügel;
sein Auge schaute mich an
zwischen Blumen,
mein Herz stand still.

Durch das Netz, das nicht fängt,
fielen Wünsche und Wunsch,
und das Schweigen sprach:
Den Bettler der Worte
wird der Himmel nicht schelten ...

Ich will weitergehn.



N The English version of it....

I MUST GO ON
Ernst Meister trans. Jean Boase-Beier

I must go on -
falling up mountains,
climbing down to valleys,
I'll go on.

At the edge of the ocean
the fool stands;
the wind whispers in his ear:
the salt of the sea
cannot grow stupid.

I must go on,
falling up mountains,
climbing down to valleys ...

I went to see a grave.
The head of a fish
broke out of the hill;
its eye watched me
through the flowers,
my heart stood still.

Through the net that holds nothing
fell wishes and wish
and silence spoke:
heaven will never reprove
the beggar of words ...

I must go on.

haha ..my favourite piece... it sorts of encourages me haha

sometimes i thought back to the times when i was in sec school and pri school and i think of all the good times that i had with my friends and all... and i realised the most amazing thing. I can't remember my friends . maybe i haven't been with them long enough . but it's impossible cause I can't even remember my childhood friends. friends that i have been with for almost 10 years . no w, imagine what whould happen in 10 years time? my memories of my life now would be blurred. hah. Anyway,on the subject of friends , hmm...i think... 2 of my friends are attached. if you wanna know, i think shan and aman are attached . haha. it's so so ironic cause she used to tease me about him being my boyfriend cause we were having practically the same schedule last year and now the two of them are always together... haha...imagine if he were truly my sweetheart ...gosh I Would cry my heart out because my best friend snatched him away. but oh well... I am lucky. And then again, maybe some inner part of me did stop myself from falling in love with him... so...yup... goodluck to shan. hah. aman was the bane of my life last year. haha Anyway, enough of this, I had consultation for history and physics yesterday and gosh my butt aches . hahaa. saw shan outside the staff room while waiting for ms loo . apparantly , aman was there too and she started the usual teasing upon sight. like I don't know he's there? he took up my physics seat for god's sake! I had to look for another seat for history consultation for gads sake! And like he didn't know I was there ? he saw me having physics consultation and even ventured near to see what we were doing lah! we just didn't acknowledge each other. Stupid. Anyway, all I did was grin and returned to my discussion with yi ting. In other words , I ignored the both of them . haha. I mean , I have no mood to play. She's practically attached to him and still wants to tease me about a relationship with him that never happened. I ain't gonna take the teasing with goodwill , now that he's ' off my hands' so to speak.*rolls eyes* . Oh whatever! Anyway, i had consultation and yup went home laze and started studying maths today... haha.. hopefully , i passed this time. haha.

here's a couple of things that i have to do. 1. STUDY!! I am way way behind! 2. Ask raymond yeo about the SMUN. Shi Ming and I want to go... they have security council this year! 3. get used to being stunned ...cos i guess i will continue to be in the next few days. okie... am done.. so now for the happenings of the recent days. I guess I am quite fine , considering that I have not gone mad over lack of sleep and my sciences. GOD!! What the hell possess me to choose to be a science student??? okie... apologies , I know I ain't supposed to curse and swear but the thing is , i am having difficulties coping with my sciences . ok ... back to the subject. School was really interesting...or rather the events has somehow left me stupedified. let's start from the most interesting thing first. Siva apologised to the class a couple of days ago. She wants us to accept her .yup. She even like sent smses to shiming , yiting , shihui and I, asking if we can be friends and yup all that kind of things. The conclusion was that no one wanted to allow her into our cliques. me? hah. I guess I have forgiven her for whatever happened a long time ago, but I am not willing to accept her as anything more than an accquaintance. sorry to say that , but the thing is that I find her really irritating and I just don't want her to be part of my life. Apologies but I still somewhat considered her as an enemy. so yup... apparantly , she cried and apologised and all in front of the teacher and us. Sigh... spare us that trick. sometimes , i don't even know if it's real or fake. hah. Am i too critical? maybe i am... next up, would be something that i realised today. Shan and I have become distant. I don't know what it is but somehow i feel as if i am not being treated in the capacity of a friend. it seems like when she needs someone to talk to, get something etc etc.. I am the one she comes to. but when i need someone to share my thoughts, to give me advice.... she isn't there and i am left alone to face it myself. Another thing would be 43A , the people or rather the class that i used to hang out with. Somehow, they seems to be ignoring me.... what has happened? I know it's something, but I don't know what it is... i am stunned , kept in the dark and searching for the light.I mean even my friend , aman seems so cold , so distant.... is there a problem somewhere? I know there is, i just don't know. Then, there's Evelyn from that class. Don't ask me why, but I just hate her for staying back every thursday after lecture to ask the teacher so many questions ! Gosh ! 1. I can't really study. 2. I can't EAT in the lecture hall cos the teacher is there! Why can't she ask him during tutorial or after school?? GET A LIFE MAN!! ok, that was just something that i am fustrated at. But, truth to tell, I somehow dislike her.Don't ask me ! It's instincts. I guess it could be something that happened but I hate the way she puts a bag on the next seat when she knows that i am sitting in that row. As if she's afraid that i would sit next to her and ply her with a thousand and one questions. AS IF I CARE! LIKE HELLO , why would i want to sit with a person i dislike? for fun?? But what really makes my school life really fun is in fact my little cliques and of course my 'little brother' aka good friend ,alex. I love my little clique in class .... we get to joke and help each other with work. me with the languages and them with maths.I love my little bro because he somehow never fails to cheer me up everytime i see him even if it 's just something that happened during school . I guess it could be because i appreciate him . yup And my' tuesday and thursday 'clique gives me company and my other friends like vicky , zhonghao and hidir gives me a sense of belonging in the school. it's only when it comes to some lessons that i get awkward. hah. But sometimes loneliness and fustration really gets up to me and I just wish that he was here with me. I miss him . And 'he' as you all know is my secret friend. His identity is for me to know and for you to guess.

today's a great and cool day... haha ... I had thought it was gonna be bad when I was almost late for school...and I was reprimanded for not doing the right things during history class . But then , it started raining... and boy was it cooling...! haha .. love such weather. But guess what,the rain didn't stop long enough for me to get to the mrt.I was trapped in school!! At first , it was alright since I had a meeting . But , it was still raining so hidir , zhonghao and I decided to wait till the rain stopped ....but halfway through... zhonghao somehow found a way to get out of school without getting wet. so it was just hidir and I left. We were like just fooling around and talking and reading in the school's library. And hoping and hoping that the rain would stop...Thank God for Aman ... he offered us a lift to the mrt station. Else ...I really dunno what would have happened to us....sit and stare in school until the rain stops? haha...if you are reading this aman... thanks dude lots . love ya lots for offering us a lift..The rain hasn't stopped yet . And it's 1 plus in the morning.... so yup....you can be sure how glad i am to be at home... yup.. i love the rain but not to the extent of being cold and wet and hungry and bored etc etc ... finished my history homework and have only ms ng's maths homework to go....guess I will do it tomorrow after I get back to school. Just finished printing some pictures for marianne and am off to bed soon...haha...wish me sweet dreams...:)