It's already the first day of exams and I am having exam fever ...sigh....say, it's surprising but yah, I practically breeze through my GP and Chinese paper. It's amazing for chinese essay since I didn't bring my dictionary and I ain't that fluent for Chinese ....haha... But although these are glad tidings ... I feel really depressed ...sigh.. I couldn't finish my AQ.... argh.....and add on to that , I had to face a group of potential matchmakers who got it into their heads that I like aman... hello??? do I have such bad taste?? oops ... apologies aman, but yah... that guy is great as a good friend but as something more than that... haha... I don't think so. Now , come to think of it, maybe there's something going on between debbie(debben) and xiao shan... hmmm...just wednesday, I saw shan shan doing something to debbie's hair...hmmmm...interesting.....but yah, so today, both of us were subjected to the matchmaker's interrogations.... Argh...aman didn't say anything and I neither confirm nor deny what the 'matchmakers' said. haha... Think he thinks I have a crush on him because when I met him in the libary a couple hours later, our eyes just met and yah, he turned away. but who wouldn't be embarressed ? we or at least I have yet to 'fall for' him so to speak.At least , i have not thought about it. haha. so yah, hopefully, he still accepts me as a friend... I mean I have always been a friend duh. but still.... So, yah, cheers to friendship and hopefully, it will survive this time. hah...

2 days more!!! 2 pathetic days and it's the start of promos..... sigh..and I still have so much left.... WHY????? argh...promos..... why do we have to have promos...? so that I can get promoted? hah...very funny....ok...i am getting insane now... must be all the revision that's getting on to me... hah......hopefully, i will er..get promoted... of course... but that's just words. hah

exams are round the corner and I have yet to fully prepare for it. I am like not even half way through revision. And I don't care!! What I care about is that I just get promoted with better marks than a certain person. I can't stand another year in a jc or a poly. It's extrememly stressful. Or should I say, the people there are enough to make one traumatised for a lifetime. My goal is to finish this promos with better grades than a certain person , get rid of my A levels and go to uni. That's all. Hah, sounds simple right? Well, hopes do get dashed and all.... if i aim a little too high the impact might just be too great for me you see. My dream was always to get into oxford or cambridge . But ah, oh well, who cares about oxford or cambridge when you can't even pass a subject in a jc, which is mind you not an elite college or anything. To think that I was once from an elite school. hah. I should have studied hard last year. At least i would be in Acjc or even UWC. It's all for me to blame. The school is alright , the teachers are alright, the people are not alright. At least most are not alright. most are uncouth, crude, without manners etc etc. The guys in econs class have a language that would even burn a sailor's ears. Wonder why no one washed their mouths with soap . They deserve it. As one of the elite students at this jc, a life time that you spent in cultured enviroment where the school has a rather conducive enviroment, the people are rather cultured , from a different class background and at least speak proper english. I swear , since entering this school, my standard of english has dropped!! A lifetime in such enviroment and now you are faced with a horde of singlish which you don't understand, lots of uncultured people with no manners, not even basic courtesy and young people whose mouths are fit to be soapdish only!!! God!!!, That's enough to get one traumatised . Add on to the whole lot of backstabbing and troublemakers in the godamn school, it would be a miracle if I am still sane after 2 years. It's not that I don't like the school or anything...pls don't get me wrong... It's just that argh... I don't like the people there. Although some are great, their behaviour is sorely lacking !!!! I find it sorta difficult to communicate with such people and sometimes the behaviour just irks you. You feel like slapping their face man!! But since i chose this school, so be it. I am waiting to get rid of my A levels and immerse myself in a more cultured enviroment. Immerse myself in good manners and standard english... that would be bissful. aaa......

Sigh.....I feel so tired... Have been sleeping late for the past two weeks... reason being, work. work , work, work.....Just Thursday, I had to stay up till 3 to do a crap essay and have the teacher extend it to tuesday. Sigh... The Gods are never fair!!! Sigh.... Just yesterday, I was in the libary. Well, I was looking at some university phamplets and yah, I met evelyn.Somehow, we started talking about the courses that we hoped to take in the university. And...I don't know why, but I guess it sorta left an impression on me. I have never been able to really think about it... because it hardly comes to mind. It seems that the last few years, I have always told friends that I wanted to be a biotechnologist, scientists...etc etc. This , I believe was because of the 'survival comes before passion' .slogan for jobs. And i guess it sorta went to my head and all. yep... so...yesterday, I thought about career options and it's funny but yah... I felt that what i had always wanted all along was to be a peace negoiator at the UN. Somehow or other, I wished to make a difference in the lives of people. I know some of you would think i am crazy but the thing is that although the Un is largely ineffective, I just wish to be able to have that opportunity to make a difference . No matter how small it is, I feel that it's worth it. just to see a policy being passed, a larger effort in peace making and it's all for the good of mankind....it's truly worth it. Hah, but hopes and dreams do get shattered you know. Nus does not offer international studies. So I guess, the only alternative is political science or an overseas university which I sure as hell can't afford. Hah. Or maybe a career change? Do you think I would be great as a clown? hmmm.... . Oops... I forgot about the Lambiel pic...haha.. That's Stephane Lambiel and his cousin . He's cool. as a person, I dunno.... but his ice dances are really beautiful. I particularly love the 2006 World exhibition. That was beautiful. Wish I could iceskate too... but I can't. Parents and the whole thing about ice skates cutting a person who falls on ice or some stuff you see. Wonder what's it all about. haha. I really envy him . He can iceskate and dance. It sounds silly you know. but yah, I love dancing and I am absolutely fascinated with iceskating. But studies come first ,or so they say. Sigh... an hour or two won't hurt will it? I so totally don't get the whole thing against dancing and yah... it's not as if I am going to pursue a career in it.... it's.... just 1 of my passions .. that's all.Imagine being able to feel the wind in your face, the exhilaration as you danced . It's so thrilling, it makes you feel freedom, happiness.... . Just an hour to feel those emotions again , to see myself executing the steps of a dance , to feel the wind in my face as I skate away.....how nice that would be. But alas, it's not very possible. Is it? like all humans, i am bound to society; bound to the social ladder.... survival before passions.

"The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth; 5
Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same, 10
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back. 15
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
p.s which road will he take? No one knows but the fates

What do you do when someone declares his interest in you? haha I don't know. I am really confused. okie , here goes. I truly don't know what to say about it ...truly... I know you are going to laugh at this but the thing is , although I have been faced with such situations , the guys weren't exactly friends that I see everyday. It was easy. But now.... argh.. i don't know. ok... let's just say that I don't really know the guy or rather he doesn't really know me. I mean if it was someone like say aman who has seen me in difficult situations or even say, shawn.. i would know what to say. Argh... I don't know, I am so confused... I wish I could say ... ' you don't want me , I ain't your type. That's because you don't know me. Truly. you think you know me ..but you don't ... I am terrible when I am angry, whiny and yah... ' but I can't bring myself to ruin this friendship , to hurt him. I don't want any changes in my life yet... I don't want a relationship now or in the near future. Love brings joy and happiness, but don't forget it brings pain and heartache too. And this phrase of my life is too crucial for me to get distracted. so... yupz....hopefully, this confusion will pass and yeah, for now, let's savour the joys of friendship haha or at least that was what we agreed on ; to take one step at a time. After all, if it's meant to be, it will be. If not, then let it be. But, still, it's weird. I didn't know I was girlfriend material ; at least not now or in the near future. I guess I will get over it soon. I had better be. I can't have myself getting more distracted... haha... and hopefully, a good night sleep will solve everything.lol

spent the day helping out with the housework and studying history. Gosh, I am so way behind time in revision . Hopefully, I will have enough time to finish my revision. hah...anyway, I can't believe housework is so argh... tiring and time consuming... okie, enough of that, yesterday was Teacher's day celebration, went back to mgs to collect my cert and at the same time, visit the teachers and yepz old schoolmates. SIgh.... Unfortunately, they left for lunch when i got there so i had to contend myself with my cert and old school mates. haha.... I dunno whether it's fate or luck , but I saw my english teacher , Mrs Cheng. :)We chatted for a couple of minutes. It seems she has retired from teaching and is now doing adminstration work. Well, good luck Mrs cheng and if you were to ever read this... a happy teacher's day to you. I know you ain't a teacher anymore but you will always be my teacher. And yupz, thanks for everything. Without you , I would never have been able to master the fundamentals of english ; so to put. yep, anyway, after that went to catch up with a couple of old schoolmates and then for lunch with both liwen and jonathon. okie dok, Liwen is my long time friend and secondary classmate and jonathon is a guy that i got to know in SMUN . We had lunch and browsed the bookshops. hah, seems Liwen and jon share an interest in fantasy .....hmmmmm.....haha... It was a great day after all... haha.. Think I am going to do that again. lol. By the way, that's me with Liwen in the pic. haha